ash rocketship • untweeted

untweeted

Here’s some dumb shit I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope the daily calculations of survival haven’t worn you out! I hope you know I love you!

kum & go breakfast pizza might be my fave midwestern delicacy

not to be controversial but there is TOO MUCH tv right now

the 19 yo guy who rang me up at walgreen’s said, “oh livin’ the dream” when i asked him how he was doing and i felt it in my fuckin BONE MARROW

i just wanna come home from work and have a half hour of uninterrupted alone time in my bathroom!!!!!! is that so much to ask!!!!!!!

some of y’all don’t know shit about infrastructure and it shows

WHY DO I OBSESSIVELY OPEN MY EMAIL NO ONE EVER EMAILS ME WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKING FOR THERE AREN’T ANY BRAIN CHEMICALS IN THERE KNOCK IT OFF

i got mad at myself today for ‘disappointing’ the motion sensor light in our bathroom by activating it???

i didn’t want to smoke pot until brandon tartikoff told me not to

i am having an absolute fucking SURPLUS of feelings right now and i am NOT appropriately dealing with ANY of them

i think one of the most important things that i know about myself is that i would eat human meat if offered it and i would not even THINK to question the provenance

I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.

untweeted

Here’s some dumb shit I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope the daily calculations of survival haven’t worn you out! I hope you know I love you!

stimes being physically & emotionally exhausted, overworked, & in the midst of a neverending pandemic in your thirties means wanting to have sex but having to schedule it in the space between your doordash order & delivery & yelling, “put your clothes on joshua is almost here” in the afterglow

took my bra off at work in the middle of the day and felt liberated as hell

any human person with larger than average eyeballs be looking at me…. i will lose it. i am putty. i transcend corporeality. a child? any gift you want! a PONY! an adult? let’s get married!

if technology and like, my entire life could conspire so that i never had to take my clothes off ever that would be amazing

there is NOTHING like the nostalgia u feel when hearing a song lyric that made you inexplicably horny as a teenager, “my knife it’s sharp and chrome / come see inside my bones” u kno wut 15 year old me was fucking RIGHT

it’s weird that i technically own a house but for some reason i’m way more weirded out that i own a garage??

crystal and i and her mom were playing mario kart last night and crystal always warns me if i’m in first place and there’s a first place shell coming for me and i kept yelling, “VALHALLA WAITS FOR MEEEEEEE” and i truly am a delight

MAN not to be controversial but u kno wut books are GOOD

i only listen to music with murmuring spoken word passages of lost intergalactic travelers recording their last words for posterity before they die now!!!!!!!!

some people……. should be swallowed by a whale

a fun thing about my anxiety is that sometimes i have anxiety about the same thing from opposite sides, so like: part of my brain says that i have to finish tattooing my arms or i will die, but then a different part says that IF i finish tattooing my arms i will die… you can see how this would be ,,, very stupid to live with

i get weird and confessional and overly loving when i’m like, exhausted and sometime it tries to come out in email at work, like, please people work with me i’m so tired and i lov eyou so much

you know how when you’re horny for something sexual, it’s like, “oh yeah i’m hard” well when i am horny for something emotional it’s like, “oh yeah i’m SOFT”

I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.

untweeted

Here’s some dumb shit I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope the daily calculations of survival haven’t worn you out! I hope you know I love you!

i LUV butts in jeans

shit i’ve cried to this week: “i guess that’s why they call it the blues”, “who wants to live forever”, the entire concept of fleetwood mac

i have so many questions about the sentience and ethics of atlantis in the aquaman universe

to keep my banking free i make a farcical automatic deposit to a savings account every month and then immediately move it back to checking. every month. the future is lunacy.

HONQUE HONQUE i’m A GOOSE BITCHE is the song of spring

april 2019: the only song i can listen to right now is “over and over” by hot chip which came out in 2006 and i did not hear until january of 2018 the internet is great, actually

bonded with my beautiful gentle hygienist angel over the best lesbian-staffed gas stations in town

today i tried to do something Above and Beyond and it Broke Everything and i am taking it as a sign from the universe that the path of least resistance is the fucking Right One

i love when my social media feeds are 50% pissed off about star wars and 50% amped about star wars and that this time it’s bc there’s a cute illogical baby alien

i accidentally killed tim conway and i’m SORRY!!!! !!!!!!!!!

what’s it called when you do sthing bc ur curious but u also hate yrself, like ,,, curiosity flagellation

luv to lay on my belly on a hard floor even tho i know my back will become completely locked and immobilize me for several hours!!!!

hang on lemme just disassociate real quick

I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.

untweeted

Here’s some dumb shit I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope you’re donating to mutual aid funds when you’re able! I hope you know I love you!

sam’s posters of molly ringwald and rob lowe in his bedroom in the lost boys is v pure 80s bisexual representation

i sort of love how much bands and actors and like, celebrities, but mostly bands absolutely LOVE to fuck with their fans whenever they’re like, announcing a new project or whatever. it’s so innocuously sadistic and mean. all for the pleasure of torturing people who want to spend money on you. fantastic.

it’s fuckin twisted that fluffernutters are delicious

saw a kid get off his bike and force his parents to stop walking the dog so they could take a picture of him next to a huge sign that just said “ASS” and i do believe the children are our future

straight black coffee hot is just a gruff old dickhead affectation but straight black coffee over ice is serial killer behavior

the most anxiety i’ve ever experienced in my life while trying to have fun is table-side guacamole!!!!

sometimes i decide i don’t like someone and i realize that it’s bc they’re too much like me and i suck

april 5, 2019 is the first day of my life where i’ve considered little richard’s sexuality but i assure you it will not be the last

i’m so emotionally repressed that i saw someone casually mention they were watching their roommate scroll through their netflix recommendations and i GASPED and was like, no no i’m so glad i’m married to my roommate that’s TOO INTIMATE

i cannot believe some godforsaken awful white men escaped britain, destroyed multiple societies, committed mass genocide, and colonized an entire continent and yet somehow i STILL have to hear about the british monarchy all the time?????

I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.

untweeted

Here’s some stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope you’re donating to mutual aid funds when you’re able! I hope you know I love you!

very large man exited his very large truck at the gas station today and left it running, windows down, absolutely BLASTING the village people’s “in the navy”

someone’s always wearing socks in amateur gay porn and that’s got to stop

remembs how in like middle school slash high school girls would always be carrying lotion and then putting it on their hands in class and then sometimes they’d be like, hey i got too much you want and like, rub your hands with their lotiony hands? is that why i’m gay?

“we were out of bread, so i just made some earlier today” is not a sentence that is ever going to leave my mouth EVER

tattoo artists telling me i sit like a rock is the most accomplished i ever feel

i’ve been blocking brands every time i see a promoted tweet for literally years (and yet SOMEHOW there are always more brands???) but i’ve also been tricked by brands so sometimes as i do it i’m like BUT WHAT IF SOMEDAY I MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT like a brand is going to bring me some life-changing info or something

“i don’t want to be weird, but” is the biggest god damn lie of my LIFE

u bet yr sweet ASS i watched a 30 minute video detailing 63 methods of cooking a potato

i’m eating pineapple with tajin for dinner and it tastes like my childhood, getting bullied into eating shit that was way too spicy for my dumb white ass!!!!! but who’s handling it fine now huh????!!!! bullying works!!!!!

anybody who identifies themselves as a “go-getter” is an absolute nightmare

I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.