Here’s some dumb shit I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope you’re donating to mutual aid funds when you’re able! I hope you know I love you!

sam’s posters of molly ringwald and rob lowe in his bedroom in the lost boys is v pure 80s bisexual representation

i sort of love how much bands and actors and like, celebrities, but mostly bands absolutely LOVE to fuck with their fans whenever they’re like, announcing a new project or whatever. it’s so innocuously sadistic and mean. all for the pleasure of torturing people who want to spend money on you. fantastic.

it’s fuckin twisted that fluffernutters are delicious

saw a kid get off his bike and force his parents to stop walking the dog so they could take a picture of him next to a huge sign that just said “ASS” and i do believe the children are our future

straight black coffee hot is just a gruff old dickhead affectation but straight black coffee over ice is serial killer behavior

the most anxiety i’ve ever experienced in my life while trying to have fun is table-side guacamole!!!!

sometimes i decide i don’t like someone and i realize that it’s bc they’re too much like me and i suck

april 5, 2019 is the first day of my life where i’ve considered little richard’s sexuality but i assure you it will not be the last

i’m so emotionally repressed that i saw someone casually mention they were watching their roommate scroll through their netflix recommendations and i GASPED and was like, no no i’m so glad i’m married to my roommate that’s TOO INTIMATE

i cannot believe some godforsaken awful white men escaped britain, destroyed multiple societies, committed mass genocide, and colonized an entire continent and yet somehow i STILL have to hear about the british monarchy all the time?????

I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.