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Here’s some stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now!
personally i think instead of overtime & shootouts, every tied hockey game should end with a goalie fight
while trying to formulate the correct explanation for why i don’t like shamrock shakes today, my brain served up “too much same taste”
i’m always sad that i don’t live in los angeles anymore but never more than when i think of all of the advantages there for my DOG
remembs when u were young and you’d be like, hey can i get a drink? and then you’d like, create a drink tunnel with your hand to drink from your friend’s bottle or tip your head back and pour it recklessly into your mouth from like six inches above your head? good times
‘adult men squeeze iv bagged pudding into each other’s mouths’ is absolutely the HEIGHT of what i’m looking for in a youtube video
we just repaired the lights in the bathroom at work that have not worked for the five years i have worked here and oh man, if it was easy to stare into the mirror and dissociate/depersonalized in that room before… i ain’t seen NOTHIN, sister
the way slaking shows up to battle,,, the sheer audacity,,, the powerful queer energy,,, needs a martini and some sort of quip about liza minelli
the one constant in my life since probably birth is waking up with some abe vigoda-ass looking eyebrows
one of the coolest and smartest and most helpful things you can do in A LOT of situations is to just shut the hell up
not to be too white but some mornings the toothpaste is just too spicy
I do still use Twitter in the year of our lord 2020, @ashrocketship, so you know… Don’t miss out on those either. Because I’m a real gift to the world and you should be getting as much of me as humanly possible.
I turned 35 this month! That’s pretty cool! I spent absolutely the entire month doing nothing but watching hockey! But here we are anyway!
 I somehow missed the Mitski train when everyone went buck wild for Be the Cowboy last year, but because The Algorithm, as always, serves me well, I got served a bunch of her stuff whenever Orville Peck’s Pony finishes and I started paying attention. I’ve listened to most of her stuff now and I like it all, but Bury Me at Makeout Creek is the standout for me. I’m obsessed with “Townie” (the vocal warbles!) and “Jobless Monday” (sounds like Clara Rockmore!) and “Drunk Walk Home” (that big angry instrumental crescendo!) and the album as a whole just works and feels super soniccally and emotionally resonant.
 I have such good luck with the algorithm, seriously, and I think serpentwithfeet is going to be my algorithmic find of the year. This album is so beautiful, musically and lyrically, haunting and thoughtful and romantic and so god damn artful I kind of lose my mind. Spotify gave me “whisper” and I immediately listened to the entire album and got obsessed with “mourning song” and “wrong tree” and “seedless” and “waft” and “slow syrup” which contains the lyrics “when you made a chorus of your painful things / didn’t know it was a song you hated to sing” and “I longed for the rapture between your knees / you need the calm, I need the world to end inside of me” which just absolutely knocked me on my ass in the best way.
 I watch hockey now! Well, okay, I watch hockey again, but I’ve spent enough time rambling about my ~sports history~ on Twitter to do that here, so instead: I watch hockey now! A lot of it. Like, at least a half-dozen games a week, but usually way more. I follow seven teams and not all of them because they’re hot. My attention span has just been deeply non-existent lately and instead of trying to force myself to watch something and then getting frustrated when I can’t get through it, I just put hockey on which is both exciting and soothing simultaneously. I can look away and do something else and still follow commentary audibly and because I am not competitive and always hope that both teams have fun, I don’t get stressed out about it the way I think way too many sports fans do. It’s been so so so fun and will be genuinely sad when the season is over.
And three to look forward to…
  
Here’s some stuff I consumed in the last month that didn’t waste my time!
Helen Rosner, The Many Lives of Roberto, a Soup
Miles Klee, The Forever War Between ‘Come’ and ‘Cum’
Beth Boyle Machlan, A Cold, White Sport in a Warming World
Merritt K, Richard Kind: A Review
Michael Clair, The long history of baseball’s most glorious fashion accessory: The stirrup sock
Peter Slattery, We Finally Figured Out Who Makes wikiHow’s Bizarre Art
Jon Bois et al., 17776
Orville Peck, “Nothing Fades Like the Light”
Miles Klee, No One Has Range Like Richard Kind
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I neither represent nor speak on behalf of any company I currently work for, have worked for in the past, or may work for in the future. My terrible opinions and poop jokes are all mine and mine alone.
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