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tunesday: november 2020

a square image of warped yellow clouds that reads november 2020

listen on spotify

totally top three: october 2020


I watched five entire movies this weekend — yay — all of which I had seen before — boo — but that I did watch and finish while mostly not staring at another device — YAY — and it felt unbelievable to actually do it. Attention span, friend, is that you? (Please hear this in a Kate Bush “Wuthering Heights” falsetto, thanks.)

Highly recommend revisiting The Rocky Horror Picture Show if you haven’t in a while. It’s still so, so fun and still makes me feel like I’ve got a whole community of weirdos and queers where I belong, even when I can’t be with them in physical spaces due to the plague and also living in a nightmare place. I only got to see it once “live,” but it was the 30th anniversary show at the Hollywood Bowl and it’s hard to beat Par-tici-pating with 8,000 other nerds, you know?

I got a new favorite hoodie in October, the Smalltown Famous hoodie from Ohio In My Mind. Marty’s a lovely person and the stuff they make is great and charming and makes me feel like I belong to the community of the Greater Midwest even when my Local Midwest is waving Trump flags and giving me constant low-grade anxiety. New stuff drops all the time and it’s making up my entire wardrobe right now. I even ordered a back-up of this specific hoodie and one in a different colorway just to be safesies.

I also finished a book recently! Devin Kelly’s Blood on Blood which is a poetry based on a Springsteen album I’ve never heard — I love the Entity, but the music’s not really my thing — and I loved it very much, especially each of the versions of “The Story of How You & Your Brother Grew Up.” Me, liking poetry! 2020 surprising me yet again.


      

It’s November. Tomorrow is election day. Please vote for Joe Biden, even if it hurts. Any other option will hurt us all worse. I’m sorry we haven’t done more. Please donate to mutual aid funds if you’re able. Wear a mask, wash your hands, stay safe. I love you.

tunesday: october 2020

a square image of black and gray clouds that reads october 2020

listen on spotify

totally top three: september 2020


Okay, this is where I have to be like, uhhhhh I didn’t actually consume jack shit in September? I watched the NHL Playoffs (and am so proud of my lil underdog Dallas Stars for going all the way to game six of the Stanley Cup Final! My boys! ;_; My babies! ;_;) and I spent a lot of time on Twitter screaming about nonsense, but I did not watch or read a single thing because apparently six-ish months is where I hit the maxcap on my ability to continue blasting-ass through this year without finally feeling it.

I’ve kept up with the news. I’ve done my best to help however I can and continue to try to maintain perspective on how lucky I have been through all of this comparatively. My job has never been in danger, the people I love have been well, I’ve been safe and largely comfortable. I have been lucky. (Hey! Isn’t that a whole other fucked-up issue?! Sure is!)

But even knowing that, at some point you have to crack, right? I’m emotionally exhausted. I’m isolated and I’m fucking sad. I am a person that thrives on random human interaction. I love small talk! I live to make a cashier laugh! I try to bring kindness and goofiness around with me wherever I go! And I feed off that energy. And I haven’t had any since March.

I am a husk of the person I was at the beginning of 2020 and it is basically impossible to sit down and do any of the things I love when I feel like this. So I don’t have anything to share with you right now and I worry that I won’t next month either and that really stresses me out! I worry that I’ll never be able to just sit and enjoy something again because my brain has been fundamentally broken by the experience of this year. I hope you don’t feel the same. I worry you do. I hope we both find a way through.

In the meantime, I’m thinking about you. I’m sending good energy your way. Please donate to mutual aid funds if you’re able. I love you and I hope I’ll see you soon.

Here’s some pictures of Bruno with his last dumb haircut of the year to maybe make you smile. He’s technically always in my Totally Top Three of like, everything. 💜

   

ETA: I scheduled this post this morning and then this afternoon this post crossed my dash and really relieved some of my anxiety about this experience. Maybe it will do the same for you.

untweeted

Here’s some stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope you’re donating to mutual aid funds when you’re able! I hope you know I love you!

very large man exited his very large truck at the gas station today and left it running, windows down, absolutely BLASTING the village people’s “in the navy”

someone’s always wearing socks in amateur gay porn and that’s got to stop

remembs how in like middle school slash high school girls would always be carrying lotion and then putting it on their hands in class and then sometimes they’d be like, hey i got too much you want and like, rub your hands with their lotiony hands? is that why i’m gay?

“we were out of bread, so i just made some earlier today” is not a sentence that is ever going to leave my mouth EVER

tattoo artists telling me i sit like a rock is the most accomplished i ever feel

i’ve been blocking brands every time i see a promoted tweet for literally years (and yet SOMEHOW there are always more brands???) but i’ve also been tricked by brands so sometimes as i do it i’m like BUT WHAT IF SOMEDAY I MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT like a brand is going to bring me some life-changing info or something

“i don’t want to be weird, but” is the biggest god damn lie of my LIFE

u bet yr sweet ASS i watched a 30 minute video detailing 63 methods of cooking a potato

i’m eating pineapple with tajin for dinner and it tastes like my childhood, getting bullied into eating shit that was way too spicy for my dumb white ass!!!!! but who’s handling it fine now huh????!!!! bullying works!!!!!

anybody who identifies themselves as a “go-getter” is an absolute nightmare

I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.