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Here’s some stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope you’re donating to mutual aid funds when you’re able! I hope you know I love you!
very large man exited his very large truck at the gas station today and left it running, windows down, absolutely BLASTING the village people’s “in the navy”
someone’s always wearing socks in amateur gay porn and that’s got to stop
remembs how in like middle school slash high school girls would always be carrying lotion and then putting it on their hands in class and then sometimes they’d be like, hey i got too much you want and like, rub your hands with their lotiony hands? is that why i’m gay?
“we were out of bread, so i just made some earlier today” is not a sentence that is ever going to leave my mouth EVER
tattoo artists telling me i sit like a rock is the most accomplished i ever feel
i’ve been blocking brands every time i see a promoted tweet for literally years (and yet SOMEHOW there are always more brands???) but i’ve also been tricked by brands so sometimes as i do it i’m like BUT WHAT IF SOMEDAY I MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT like a brand is going to bring me some life-changing info or something
“i don’t want to be weird, but” is the biggest god damn lie of my LIFE
u bet yr sweet ASS i watched a 30 minute video detailing 63 methods of cooking a potato
i’m eating pineapple with tajin for dinner and it tastes like my childhood, getting bullied into eating shit that was way too spicy for my dumb white ass!!!!! but who’s handling it fine now huh????!!!! bullying works!!!!!
anybody who identifies themselves as a “go-getter” is an absolute nightmare
I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.
It’s September! 2020! Already! Jesus! Hi! This is your reminder to please donate to mutual aid funds if you’re able! Wash your hands! Wear a mask! Stay safe! Stay sane! I love you! A lot!
 I’ve been on a country kick lately — unfortunately I am now truly midwestern, rip the cool version of me — that started because I listened to Bonnie Raitt’s entire discography and then the Old 97s — one of the only contemporary country artists I listened to when I was still cool — dropped an album in my lap! And it’s great. This is really classic country storytelling and it feels very alt-Texas. I’m partial to “This House Got Ghosts,” “I Like You Better,” “Belmont Hotel,” “Our Year,” “Bottle Rocket Baby,” and “Why Don’t We Ever Say We’re Sorry,” which, you know, is most of the album, so they must be doing something right.
  One of my personal projects this year has been to try to get into poetry because I’ve never read beyond what I absolutely had to when I was in college/grad school and that seems unfair to a whole bunch of writers! It has been… a largely fruitless endeavor because my brain just isn’t designed for it honestly, but I ordered Kimmy Walters’ new collection The Faraway [review!] and ended up loving a bunch of the poems in it, including “zeitgeist wants me in its mouth” and ten others I took pictures of to reread at whim.
 Tomasz Jedrowski’s Swimming in the Dark [review!] was lovely and achy and richly written. It was really nice to drop into a time and place I haven’t encountered often before and see it rendered in a complex and interesting way whiles spending time with a narrator that I cared deeply about.
And three to look forward to…
  
Here’s some stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope you’re donating to mutual aid funds when you’re able! I hope you know I love you!
every morning i wake up with the legs of a brand new baby deer instead of the human legs i went to sleep with
being enthusiastic about a band’s newest thing is fine and being enthusiastic about a band’s oldest thing is fine, but the stuff in the middle is sketchier. being enthusiastic about a band’s 2nd newest thing? EMBARRASSING
might fuck around and be completely demoralized by attempting human communication
someday i’m gonna end up fuck-all punch drunk in the middle of the night and i’m gonna order some GOd FORSAKED $300 knit weighted blanket and a $90 candle and a commercial food service amount of kellogg granola and raisins and some sort of $20 soft bag to carry a book in my purse wothout sullying it bc the tabs are just hanging out open in safari and i am weak-willed and easily confused
someone told my sister i was QUOTE A HOOT UNQUOTE
i was once bullied into promising not to tell stories that ended with me crying anymore by two men, which was partly afffectation and partly just like, who i am as a person, but you know what… fuck that. cry at the end of every story!! create your own mythos!! fuck off, boys!!!!
marriage, to me, is scream-laughing while you and your partner fight to lick each other’s faces as a form of hilarious torture and also conflict resolution
i really like that the internet started naming things by just removing the letter e, that was a good innovation tbh
my ok go playlist ended without me noticing today because spotify autoplays similar stuff but then suddenly, like the sudden realization that someone is in your house, i was like… BEN GGGGGIBBARD??????
u ever wish u could just drop dead at the exact second u think about it? it would solve SO many problems and create so many new ones!
I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.
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disclaimery This blog sometimes contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase by clicking through those links, which I super appreciate! If I ever review, recommend, or write about something I got for free, you’ll know it.
I neither represent nor speak on behalf of any company I currently work for, have worked for in the past, or may work for in the future. My terrible opinions and poop jokes are all mine and mine alone.
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