Here’s some stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now! I hope you’re alive and well! I hope you’re doing your best! I hope you’re donating to mutual aid funds when you’re able! I hope you know I love you!

very large man exited his very large truck at the gas station today and left it running, windows down, absolutely BLASTING the village people’s “in the navy”

someone’s always wearing socks in amateur gay porn and that’s got to stop

remembs how in like middle school slash high school girls would always be carrying lotion and then putting it on their hands in class and then sometimes they’d be like, hey i got too much you want and like, rub your hands with their lotiony hands? is that why i’m gay?

“we were out of bread, so i just made some earlier today” is not a sentence that is ever going to leave my mouth EVER

tattoo artists telling me i sit like a rock is the most accomplished i ever feel

i’ve been blocking brands every time i see a promoted tweet for literally years (and yet SOMEHOW there are always more brands???) but i’ve also been tricked by brands so sometimes as i do it i’m like BUT WHAT IF SOMEDAY I MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT like a brand is going to bring me some life-changing info or something

“i don’t want to be weird, but” is the biggest god damn lie of my LIFE

u bet yr sweet ASS i watched a 30 minute video detailing 63 methods of cooking a potato

i’m eating pineapple with tajin for dinner and it tastes like my childhood, getting bullied into eating shit that was way too spicy for my dumb white ass!!!!! but who’s handling it fine now huh????!!!! bullying works!!!!!

anybody who identifies themselves as a “go-getter” is an absolute nightmare

I’m still out here using Twitter at incomprehensible intervals — @ashrocketship — so you know… Don’t miss out on that either.