Here’s some stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now!

personally i think instead of overtime & shootouts, every tied hockey game should end with a goalie fight

while trying to formulate the correct explanation for why i don’t like shamrock shakes today, my brain served up “too much same taste”

i’m always sad that i don’t live in los angeles anymore but never more than when i think of all of the advantages there for my DOG

remembs when u were young and you’d be like, hey can i get a drink? and then you’d like, create a drink tunnel with your hand to drink from your friend’s bottle or tip your head back and pour it recklessly into your mouth from like six inches above your head? good times

‘adult men squeeze iv bagged pudding into each other’s mouths’ is absolutely the HEIGHT of what i’m looking for in a youtube video

we just repaired the lights in the bathroom at work that have not worked for the five years i have worked here and oh man, if it was easy to stare into the mirror and dissociate/depersonalized in that room before… i ain’t seen NOTHIN, sister

the way slaking shows up to battle,,, the sheer audacity,,, the powerful queer energy,,, needs a martini and some sort of quip about liza minelli

the one constant in my life since probably birth is waking up with some abe vigoda-ass looking eyebrows

one of the coolest and smartest and most helpful things you can do in A LOT of situations is to just shut the hell up

not to be too white but some mornings the toothpaste is just too spicy

I do still use Twitter in the year of our lord 2020, @ashrocketship, so you know… Don’t miss out on those either. Because I’m a real gift to the world and you should be getting as much of me as humanly possible.