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31 days of festive-ass flicks, day 18: the preacher's wife

Up to bat on day 18 of 31 Days of Festive-Ass Flicks was The Preacher’s Wife [CALENDAR] which continued my three-days-late schedule of long-lasting failure that I still have not recovered from. From which I may never, ever recover. [Spoilers!]

Okay, so I took really extensive notes on this one for no discernible reason and I cannot figure out what even half of them mean. So, like, I LIKED THIS MOVIE A LOT. Which I didn’t expect AT ALL. Because… I’m an atheist! This was not going to give me good religious god-y feelings! And I’m not a Denzel person! And I hate long scenes of singing in movies. And I’m not big on Whitney’s acting career. And basically EVERYTHING was pointing to me not being into this movie. EXCEPT HOW I TOTALLY WAS. And I loved it! And I clapped and squealed. And I got really choked up and cried.

The first great thing that occurred when I was watching this was that the preview that played beforehand was for Beaches. And it had one of those really late 80s/early 90s voiceovers about tenderness and friendship and stuff. And it was the best.

The next great thing was that the choir in this sad church sang SO HARD for Jesus that they blew up the boiler. That was delightful.

Then there was this:

Because angels coming into the modern age need a handbook that covers modern things.

Then there was this amazing child who was playing a sheep in the nativity play:

Which. They clearly pulled in close on her in kind of a mocking way. Because she’s got these big glasses and her smile kind of creeps up her face and she’s wearing a bath mat. And I thought it was kind of mean, but I ended up thinking she was kind of awesome. Fuck the mocking of the moviemakers, this kid had sass.

And there was a lot of Denzel being awesome. Which I didn’t expect? When I think of Denzel, I think of serious Oscar guy Denzel and that’s kind of boring. And in this he was AWESOME. He was joyous and funny and, like, basically trolling the preacher at every turn. With a big heart! And wonder at a world that everyone around him takes for granted. And a very obvious, non-hidden attraction to the preacher’s wife. Which she DESERVES.

I really came out of this movie with a total appreciation and love for this kind of Denzel. More laughing, gleeful Denzel. Less Training Day.

The BEST part of the movie, BY FAR, is Whitney and Preacher’s small child Jeremiah and his best friend Hakim. Hakim lives with his grandmother and is going to be placed into foster care and Jeremiah is legit DEVASTATED. When Hakim is being picked up by the liaison/social worker, Jeremiah runs to his dresser and opens it up and gives Hakim his entire stash of Hershey’s chocolate and says, “They might starve you” all worried and scared. AND OMG I LEGITIMATELY CHOKED UP and was, like, wailing, “DON’T YOU TAKE HAKIM AWAY FROM HIS FRIEND. YOU TAKE HIM IN WHITNEY AND THE PREACHER. YOU GIVE HIM A HOME.” I was LOSING IT. And then this kid is like, “Who will I tell my secrets to?” all sad and resigned and I had to pause it because I couldn’t see the screen through my tears.

So yadda yadda the movie goes on and people are forever changed by Denzel and his incredible attitude and willingness to help those that are willing to take it and it is very warm and hooray for angels etc. And then they are getting ready for the nativity and Preacher is like, “Are you ready? Because there is going to be someone very important listening to you in the audience.” And Jeremiah is like, “Yeah, we cool.” And then Hakim walks in and Jeremiah FLIPS HIS SHIT. And literally yells HAAAAAAAAAAAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM and jumps off the chair he is standing on to run over and hug his BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MOVING THIS IS?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! FRIENDSHIP. FRIENDSHIP. FRIEEEEEEEEENDSHIP!! FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST AND KIDS ARE SO SWEET AND THEY LOVE WITH THEIR WHOLE HEARTS AND THE SCREEN IS GETTING ALL HARD TO SEE AGAIN RIGHT NOW.

Then they walk out of the room together and Jeremiah is like, “I HAVE A SECRET TO TELL YOU” and it’s about how Denzel fixed the kid’s ambulance with his angel juju and gave it a siren it didn’t have before on accident OOPS.

It’s just the best. FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST. If you do not agree that friendship is the best thing to watch in movies and television and stuff, get out of here. You are wrong. Friendship is everything. EXCUSE U IF U DISAGREE U R INCORRECT.

Here are some of my notes. They are largely nonsensical:
– saddest preacher of all time
– musical sermon punctuation
– yo they close the youth center for one day and this innocent kid gets in trouble [I have more about this in a later post, actually!]
– SKEPTICISM
– nothing moves a preacher’s struggle like a broken-ass church
– BEVERLY
– that judge is the worst judge
– EROTIC ANGEL ICE SKATING

– magical wiener of glory
– CRYING 5EVER ABOUT FRIENDSHIP
– making god angry by making himself a husband in pictures
– way too much singing SHUT UP

It has some weird posters:

In conclusion, IMDB users hate this movie (5.2/10), Rotten Tomatoes says people are not fond of it (5.9/10), but me and Siskel and Ebert are into it.