in recent years

202020192018
2017201620152014
2013201220112010

31 days of festive-ass flicks, day 19: gremlins

Day 19. 31 Days of Festive-Ass Flicks. [CALENDAR] Gremlins. Only two days late. [Spoilers, probs.]

I have seen Gremlins six or seven thousand times. My sister had a Gizmo growing up. (A doll, sadly. OH HOW I WISH MOGWAI WERE REAL.) I know this movie inside and out. But then I watched it this time. And it was like I had never seen it before or something. IT WAS REAL WEIRD.

I think this is one of those VERY 80s movies that sort of shaped the idea of what the 1980s looked like. Corey Feldman and Phoebe Cates and Zach Galligan and VW Beetles that won’t start and super racist stuff surrounding Asian cultures and the Jerry Goldsmith score and all small towns being the Universal backlot and puffy nylon jackets. It just feels really 80s in a good, nostalgic way like Goonies. Well, the racism doesn’t feel good.

I am having a hard time articulating anything interesting here, so I’m going to do that annoying thing where there are a bunch of notes in a list:
– Dads in movies that are inventors/entrepeneurs are always depicted as failures (see: Beauty and the Beast)
– HOW IS GIZMO SO CUTE?!

– How is no one TOTALLY freaking out that they have some new species in their home and it, like, sings and acts humanoid?!
– GIZMO IS SO CUTE I AM ACTUALLY TEARING UP. TEARS OF CUTENESS.

– No one is asking enough questions in this movie. NO ONE.
– The bad mogwai are dicks even when they’re cute.

– UGGGGGGGGGGGH STOP PROJECTILE VOMITING ON THE TRUMPET SITUATION.
– The gremlin pods are the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
– ONE NEEDLE? REALLY?
– Had to spend ten minutes thinking about nachos just to recover from the trauma of the pods.
– Mom’s a badass.
– Stripe is a dick.
– THIS MOVIE IS GROSS.
– The police are the only marginally useful people in this entire movie. COHERENT. The only people to ask questions about these weird things that basically didn’t exist before YESTERDAY.
– The Town Bitch’s fast ride up the stairs and flight through the window is the stuff my childhood memories are made of.
– So many dumb gremlin vignettes.
– “… and that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus.”
– Gizmo’s disgust/embarrassment/fear/horror. EVERY TIME GIZMO REACTS I DIE.
– Gizmo in the Barbiemobile 4ever.
– THIS MOVIE IS DISGUSTING.

– And then after all of that destruction and terror, Gizmo survives and STILL gets taken away from his new friend. WHY IS THIS MOVIE SO MEAN?

I don’t have anything else coherent to say, honestly. I love that this is a holiday movie. Like, people sit down and watch It’s a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story and GREMLINS. That’s great, that’s so great. And it’s very wintery and yule-y and wonderful. It’s just also really weird and disgusting. And good. BUT MOSTLY SO WEIRD AND DISGUSTING.