Here’s some stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now!
THE SOUND OF LAWNMOWERS IS MY NEMESIS
is there any quicker boner killer than white sunglasses on a dude
incomprehensingle – when u can’t believe someone don’t got a boo
the most passive-aggressive thing i’ve ever done in my entire life is i used to set crystal’s custom ringtone to “you really got a hold on me” whenever i was mad at her in the early days of our relationship
i never feel more like a monster than when i tell my dog we’ll be home soon over the nest camera when i don’t actually know when we’ll be home
i love to deep throat my toothbrush every morning and start my day gagging
i got my tax return and immediately ordered $100 of beef jerky on the internet
“EVERYBODY FEELS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME YOU’RE JUST A STUPID BABY” i scream at myself as i have feelings that it turns out MOST PEOPLE never have
just like i mean ————————— not every opinion needs to be on the internet
the line between a poor white person and a rich white person is sometimes so thin that you can have a bubba on either side
I do still use Twitter in the year of our lord 2020, @ashrocketship, so you know… Don’t miss out on those either. Because I’m a real gift to the world and you should be getting as much of me as humanly possible.
