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Here’s some more stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now!
yesterday at the grocery store the lady in front of me’s total came to $69.71 and i closed my eyes, tipped my head up and went, “SO close” but thankfully neither she nor the young guy working the register heard me and i did not have to deal with the repercussions of that particular choice
i held the door for a youth with a burgeoning pornstache at the post office and and said, “after you” and he gave me that long-necked head bob that elongated men cartoon characters do and then said, “badass” ????
u know how it’s hard to stop yourself from talking about yr hyperfixations and u can feel it like, just… coming out of u from the deep depths like an unstoppable rush of water from a broken main? same, but also my most potent hyperfixation is… myself and it is,,, bad
ONCE AGAIN i have spent money and felt a brief orgasmic thrill and now… only misery
i just want straight white men to stop making things, i want them to not be in charge of anything anymore, i just want to be free of their shit… please… please… they had their turn, please make them stop
crustal forced me to finally watch the original star wars trilogy at fuckin gunpoint while i was vulnerable and lonely 1300 miles away from everything i knew and loved and 8 years later she refuses to get amped with me about going to see the last star war in theaters!!!!! marriage is a sham!!!!!!!
sometimes you gotta feel better by feeling really really really bad on purpose
drove past a girl who got pulled over this morning and she was taking a selfie with the cop car lights behind her and 1. this is something only a white person could do and 2. i strangely respect the energy of it
til it’s better to have an alive spider on your body than a dead spider because the alive spider also does not want to be on you unlike a dead spider which cannot have a preference
I do still use Twitter, @ashrocketship, so you know… Don’t miss out on those either. Because I’m a real gift to the world, you know?
I’m 34. I’ve been 34 for a little while and I’ll be 35 fairly soon. I’m an adult. I own a house. I get oil changes when my car tells me to. I get up and go to my job five days a week and work 40 to 50 hours. I help keep two animals and two adult people alive. I pay my bills on time. I successfully use most of the fresh food I buy. I get a flu shot every year. I have a skincare routine. I usually have clean clothes when I need them. I’m never late to things.
I will never, ever, as long as I am alive, make my fucking bed every morning.
First of all, I’m not doing anything because a fucking Navy Admiral tells me to. Second of all, making your bed prevents your sweaty sheets from drying out adequately enough to kill the bacteria and microbes that thrive in them. Third, and most importantly, I. Don’t. Want. To.
And, like always, I am here, not to shame the bed-makers (Do your thing, whatever makes you happy, etc.) but to tell you that you also do not have to make your fucking bed every fucking morning, especially not just because a whole bunch of people say you should.
I do all those ‘adult’ things up there without making my bed in the morning or, actually, ever unless I just changed the sheets and am feeling fussy/fancy/froggy. I do all of those ‘adult’ things despite and in the face of my sometimes debilitating depression and anxiety. I do all those ‘adult’ things to keep myself alive even though sometimes I’d rather not be alive at all.
So many of our conceptual notions of adulthood are based on some Baby Boomer’s idea of what you should be doing at 25 and 30 and 35, but 2019 isn’t 1979 and I have zero desire to base my lifestyle habits on the opinions of people who believe in bootstrap ideology and think c+ping a block of incoherent text somehow protects the intellectual property rights for the Minion memes they share on Facebook.
Life is so, so short. Please stop beating yourself up because you can’t or don’t want to do things that other people say are necessary for success. If you woke up this morning, you’re already ahead. Figure out what feels like success to you, what feels like achievement, like progress, like action, like functioning and define yourself. Everyone’s normal looks different and there is such a good chance that you’re doing just fine in life, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
You ultimately have so little control over the way life plays out, decide what adds value to yours whenever you can and ignore what other people have to say about it. You don’t have to make your bed. You don’t have to define success with other people’s words. You’re doing just fine.
I drastically reduced the amount of time I spend on Twitter back in… March, I think? Because I was feeling really agitated about increasingly meaningless things and that seemed like it just, was not good for my mental health. And while I have missed it (Most of my internet relationships are on Twitter! And I do actually like people!) the thing I have missed the most is actually just barfing every single one of my asinine thoughts into the void whenever I have them. I started throwing them into a Notes file on my phone because, well, I have a big ego and I think every thought I have has value, so I might as well hang on to them, right?
Here are ten things I hung on to, untweeted!
as i was listening to slipknot for the third day in a row today i finally understood why people use spotify private sessions
my phone just locked me out for screen downtime and i was about to extend and then nodded sagely and said, “no you’re right” out loud to it
the best part of healing a tattoo is that while you are itchy and suffering you can point your tattoo at people you love and yell, “YOU WANT SOME SKINNN!??”
i’ve stayed in some nice hotels in my day, but i’ve never stayed in a hotel nice enough to have good toilet paper
i have exactly one (1) skill and it is finding buzz lightyear vinylmation figurines in still-sealed blind boxes at disneyland. i have done it for myself. i have done it for friends. i have done it for strangers. i would do it for you, if vinylmation was still a thing.
I MISS ROCK N JOCK!!!!!!!!
the absolute power i feel when someone who follows me on goodreads adds a book i’ve recently reviewed to their “want to read” shelf,,, absolutely despotic
look i get that bands want to make “””””NICE”””””” vinyl and stuff but like, can u stop… making double albums!!!! when they are not necessitated by length???? like…. FIDELITY sure, but can u not,,, make me get up FOUR TIMES to listen too your ART??!
i have extreme dad energy in that i am always needing lights on because i can’t fuckin see for shit but also am always saying, ‘do we NEED every light in this house on?!”
so many tattoo artists i follow own naked cats and like,,, you can’t tattoo an animal, buddy
I do still occasionally use Twitter, @ashrocketship, so you know… Don’t miss out on those either. Because I’m a real gift to the world, you know?
August was… below average. Here’s to September and a lurking, early fall and this stuff I managed to like despite circumstances conspiring against me.
 Through whatever algorithmic magic occurred this month, I finally heard a Billie Eilish song and it was pretty good! So then I listened to When We all Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?! And that was really good! And, were I still compelled to tweet with the frequency and volume I once did, I would have tweeted ‘i finally listened to billie eilish and i enjoyed it am i young again now’ because through the alchemical magic of pop culture, I did kind of feel young! I like “bad guy” A LOT because of the dramatic tempo change (One of my musical weaknesses!) and “you should see me in a crown” is extremely good and I got pretty appropriately obsessed with “my strange addiction” and I love the unsettling opening of “all the good girls go to hell” and its echo-y chorus too. “bury a friend” is also a jam and “listen before i go” is lovely. I really like the layering and reverb and bass drop stuff here and I love that it never feels like it’s hiding either her lyrics or voice. The kids are alright.
 Speaking of kids, we watched Rim of the World which was less awful than I expected from McG and actually a very good time. I love when kids get to save the world! And I love and am terrified of aliens! And these had an actually pretty interesting design that didn’t feel like I’d seen it a thousand times (Humanoid aliens are boring!) even if the CGI was lackluster. The kids in this are really funny and charming and smart, especially considering they aren’t working with the greatest script ever produced, and I really appreciated that solving problems always came down to working together and doing the thing that needed to be done, even in the face of extreme fear. It also made me extremely homesick for southern California, despite the apocalyptic alien invasion.
 I joke with Crystal all the time that when I conceptually attached myself to Ryland Blackinton way back in 2008 when he was with Cobra Starship (and I made a custom shirt for our three night tour following trip that said ‘RYLAND IS GOD’ on the back…) I really hung my hat on the right guy. He works a lot and every time he shares something new he worked on, I end up loving it. The newest is Goldroom’s Everybody’s Lonely EP which is extremely good, both chill and dance-able, and so far ceaselessly repeatable. Please immediately go listen to “U” and see if you’re capable of holding still when the bass comes in. The highest compliment I can give this EP is that it somehow sounds like electronic music from every decade from the 70s on, including a few we haven’t actually lived through yet. And I’d really like to rollerskate to it.
And five to look forward to…
    
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