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Here’s some more stuff I refrained from posting on the internet until now!
yesterday at the grocery store the lady in front of me’s total came to $69.71 and i closed my eyes, tipped my head up and went, “SO close” but thankfully neither she nor the young guy working the register heard me and i did not have to deal with the repercussions of that particular choice
i held the door for a youth with a burgeoning pornstache at the post office and and said, “after you” and he gave me that long-necked head bob that elongated men cartoon characters do and then said, “badass” ????
u know how it’s hard to stop yourself from talking about yr hyperfixations and u can feel it like, just… coming out of u from the deep depths like an unstoppable rush of water from a broken main? same, but also my most potent hyperfixation is… myself and it is,,, bad
ONCE AGAIN i have spent money and felt a brief orgasmic thrill and now… only misery
i just want straight white men to stop making things, i want them to not be in charge of anything anymore, i just want to be free of their shit… please… please… they had their turn, please make them stop
crustal forced me to finally watch the original star wars trilogy at fuckin gunpoint while i was vulnerable and lonely 1300 miles away from everything i knew and loved and 8 years later she refuses to get amped with me about going to see the last star war in theaters!!!!! marriage is a sham!!!!!!!
sometimes you gotta feel better by feeling really really really bad on purpose
drove past a girl who got pulled over this morning and she was taking a selfie with the cop car lights behind her and 1. this is something only a white person could do and 2. i strangely respect the energy of it
til it’s better to have an alive spider on your body than a dead spider because the alive spider also does not want to be on you unlike a dead spider which cannot have a preference
I do still use Twitter, @ashrocketship, so you know… Don’t miss out on those either. Because I’m a real gift to the world, you know?
I’m 34. I’ve been 34 for a little while and I’ll be 35 fairly soon. I’m an adult. I own a house. I get oil changes when my car tells me to. I get up and go to my job five days a week and work 40 to 50 hours. I help keep two animals and two adult people alive. I pay my bills on time. I successfully use most of the fresh food I buy. I get a flu shot every year. I have a skincare routine. I usually have clean clothes when I need them. I’m never late to things.
I will never, ever, as long as I am alive, make my fucking bed every morning.
First of all, I’m not doing anything because a fucking Navy Admiral tells me to. Second of all, making your bed prevents your sweaty sheets from drying out adequately enough to kill the bacteria and microbes that thrive in them. Third, and most importantly, I. Don’t. Want. To.
And, like always, I am here, not to shame the bed-makers (Do your thing, whatever makes you happy, etc.) but to tell you that you also do not have to make your fucking bed every fucking morning, especially not just because a whole bunch of people say you should.
I do all those ‘adult’ things up there without making my bed in the morning or, actually, ever unless I just changed the sheets and am feeling fussy/fancy/froggy. I do all of those ‘adult’ things despite and in the face of my sometimes debilitating depression and anxiety. I do all those ‘adult’ things to keep myself alive even though sometimes I’d rather not be alive at all.
So many of our conceptual notions of adulthood are based on some Baby Boomer’s idea of what you should be doing at 25 and 30 and 35, but 2019 isn’t 1979 and I have zero desire to base my lifestyle habits on the opinions of people who believe in bootstrap ideology and think c+ping a block of incoherent text somehow protects the intellectual property rights for the Minion memes they share on Facebook.
Life is so, so short. Please stop beating yourself up because you can’t or don’t want to do things that other people say are necessary for success. If you woke up this morning, you’re already ahead. Figure out what feels like success to you, what feels like achievement, like progress, like action, like functioning and define yourself. Everyone’s normal looks different and there is such a good chance that you’re doing just fine in life, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
You ultimately have so little control over the way life plays out, decide what adds value to yours whenever you can and ignore what other people have to say about it. You don’t have to make your bed. You don’t have to define success with other people’s words. You’re doing just fine.
I drastically reduced the amount of time I spend on Twitter back in… March, I think? Because I was feeling really agitated about increasingly meaningless things and that seemed like it just, was not good for my mental health. And while I have missed it (Most of my internet relationships are on Twitter! And I do actually like people!) the thing I have missed the most is actually just barfing every single one of my asinine thoughts into the void whenever I have them. I started throwing them into a Notes file on my phone because, well, I have a big ego and I think every thought I have has value, so I might as well hang on to them, right?
Here are ten things I hung on to, untweeted!
as i was listening to slipknot for the third day in a row today i finally understood why people use spotify private sessions
my phone just locked me out for screen downtime and i was about to extend and then nodded sagely and said, “no you’re right” out loud to it
the best part of healing a tattoo is that while you are itchy and suffering you can point your tattoo at people you love and yell, “YOU WANT SOME SKINNN!??”
i’ve stayed in some nice hotels in my day, but i’ve never stayed in a hotel nice enough to have good toilet paper
i have exactly one (1) skill and it is finding buzz lightyear vinylmation figurines in still-sealed blind boxes at disneyland. i have done it for myself. i have done it for friends. i have done it for strangers. i would do it for you, if vinylmation was still a thing.
I MISS ROCK N JOCK!!!!!!!!
the absolute power i feel when someone who follows me on goodreads adds a book i’ve recently reviewed to their “want to read” shelf,,, absolutely despotic
look i get that bands want to make “””””NICE”””””” vinyl and stuff but like, can u stop… making double albums!!!! when they are not necessitated by length???? like…. FIDELITY sure, but can u not,,, make me get up FOUR TIMES to listen too your ART??!
i have extreme dad energy in that i am always needing lights on because i can’t fuckin see for shit but also am always saying, ‘do we NEED every light in this house on?!”
so many tattoo artists i follow own naked cats and like,,, you can’t tattoo an animal, buddy
I do still occasionally use Twitter, @ashrocketship, so you know… Don’t miss out on those either. Because I’m a real gift to the world, you know?
July is over already. July! I know time gets faster as you get older because of like, relativity, but SHEESH, 2019 is just blasting by. I’m not ready for 2020. I didn’t even like typing that. Yikes.
 Spider-Man: Far From Home was SO MUCH more fun than I expected it to be and also had a decent plot and satisfying emotional payoff and also Jake Gyllenhaal is… so beautiful. It’s UPSETTING, honestly. Gosh. The teenaged characters in this are also just really charming across the board and I like that they act like idiots and talk like idiots because that’s what being a teenager is like! (But you know, like if human speech had an editor, right? So it’s never TOO real because that would be… unbelievably boring. Same as adults, obviously.) The adult presence is also great (Marissa Tomei and Martin Starr in particular. And JB Smoove popping into scenes to be hilarious was also great.) and I got very emotional during Happy and Peter’s conversation on the jet. Every time I watch a Marvel movie, I assume it’ll be the one that finally makes me lose interest, but they keep being fun and easy to watch, so I just keep coming back.
 Stranger Things (SPOILERS!) season three was so, so fun and satisfying and I cried,,, so much, Jesus. I cried. SO MUCH!! I cried… more than I could have ever anticipated!!! I cried at Alexei! I cried at Billy! I cried at Hopper! I cried at the entire three months later sequence!!!!!!! I just cried! I CRIED SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! It was so fun and so stressful and so funny and charming and I wanted Robin to be a lesbian SO BAD and then SHE FUCKIN’ WAS!!!!!!!!!!! And watching Joe Keery’s beautiful, talented face work through the emotions of that admission fuckin’ ruled!!!!! All of these kids are just, so much better at acting than I will ever be at… literally anything. It was also really exciting and gory and gross, which is great, and just. “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” !!!! MAN!! What a freakin’ EXPERIENCE!! We loved this so much that we started re-watching the series from the beginning and we almost never do that! (Sorry for all the exclamation marks and incoherency, but it’s not like you didn’t know who you were dealing with here.)
 I had no freaking idea that I was going to L-O-V-E Tuca & Bertie so much. I love the theme song; I love the characters; I love the animation; I love the fucking weird-ass parameters of the universe; I love the theme song; I love the phenomenal interstitials between scenes; I love Birdie; I love Tuca; I love Speckle; I love that it’s gross and that it feels effortlessly weird; I love the theme song!! It is so fun and so funny and so wonderfully reflective of ride-or-die friendship. Also, I did NOT expect my marriage to be extremely represented on tv by heterosexual bird people, but 2019 is truly wild that way. (That argument about Speckle needing it to be his turn to freak out… HOO BOY.) This’ll be one I revisit for sure and Netflix is dumb as hell for not ordering a second season.
And five to look forward to…
    
Today, I removed a TV show that I have not finished from the “To Watch” list I keep in my Wunderlist app.
It felt… good. It felt… free. It felt… transcendental.
It doesn’t matter at all what it was — I add like, everything to this list that sounds even remotely interesting when I see somebody talk about it — and it isn’t because I even think it’s “bad” or whatever (I don’t, actually. It’s good!) but just because I didn’t really want to watch anymore episodes. It just wasn’t a thing I needed to see through and for like, one of the first times in my entire dumb life I just… decided not to.
I have always been finicky about Finishing Things. (Well, watching/reading-type things. If only I could produce the same kind of energy for producing things instead of consuming them. The books I could finish writing! The screenplays! The chores!) I’ve only ever really given up on a book TWICE (Both of which were boring and pretty bad. One or the other… I stick those out constantly. I have been ”’reading”’ House of Leaves for fourteen years.) and I am constantly having the incredibly stupid thought, unbidden, that I have to take in an Entire Thing before I’m like, allowed to decide whether I liked it or not.
But the older I get, the more I realize that life is just TOO SHORT to finish every single thing I start. I have no idea how much time I get on this planet, why the hell do I keep wasting it on stuff that I’m not even that into?!
This feels like a real evolutionary moment for me. I can change! I can reclaim my time! And stop wasting it on things I don’t really care about!
And! I walked the talk and doused the stupid little burning need I had to tell everyone about how This Thing Was Just Not For Me because… Who cares? Lots of things aren’t for me! (That’s like, a product of being alive in a time where there is more content being created every day than in the one prior: not all of it can or should be made for everyone. That actually rules, knowing there is SO MUCH media being made, that like, you don’t have to care about kind of a lot of it at all. That’s awesome.)#
(It’s almost like… I can be the person I actually want to be? Sometimes? If I try? Sounds fake, but okay.)
So, in case you need it, I am here to tell you: You Do Not Have to Finish That Thing.
Whatever it is, no matter how good it is or how much you want to be part of the zeitgeist or which one of your amazing friends recommended it, you can just stop reading or watching or following it. And you don’t even have to tell anyone about it. Just Quietly Quit That Thing and On To The Next. Liberate yourself. Bask in that freedom. You deserve it.
#: I hope it is obvious that this doesn’t apply to, like, diversity and representation in media. We always need more and everyone should be able to see themselves in the media they watch. This is a Mob Movies Aren’t For Me, not Movies Should Be For Straight White Cis People Only thing. Fuck white people. Including me.
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