OH LORD. OH DEAR. OH MY. WE HAVE MADE IT. WE HAVE MAAAAADE IT. DAY 31 OF THE 31 DAYS OF FESTIVE-ASS FLICKS [CALENDAR] WAS A CHRISTMAS STORY AND I LOVED IT BECAUSE DUH.

Okay, I won’t keep shouting so that we may both preserve our respective sanities, even though I super love capslock because CAPSLOCK FOREVER.

A Christmas Story is great, so great. And sweet and beautiful and warm and hilarious and kind and nostalgic and GREAT. I’ve talked about this one before here, but I mean. This is a classic. DUH.

Ralphie! Randy! Mom and the Old Man! HOW DOES A PIGGY EAT? Scut Farkus and getting your tongue stuck to a pole and Peter Billingsley’s adorable expressive face!

And that feeling of wishing you could pull the words that just fell out of your mouth back in PHYSICALLY.

And OH FUDGE and the leg lamp and its “soft glow of electric sex” and such a good mom and soap in the mouth and the best siblings that grab your glasses for you while you’re kicking someone’s ass and mom’s putting cold washcloths on your neck/face to calm you down when you’re crying AND AND AND just excellence all around.

My only issues with this are, like, dumb ones? Like, WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW HOW TO HANDLE A BODY PART STUCK TO ICY METAL? Get some warm water and call that shit a day. Or How the mom is, like, WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT TERRIBLE WORD and Ralphie EXPLICITLY thinks, “Well I can’t say DAD…” and she doesn’t get there on her own?! Dood is a MASTER OF SWEARING. And you’re going to buy that your kid learned “fuck” from a FRIEND. ARE YOU HIGH, MELINDA DILLON?! Also, super racist Asian stereotypes at the end, UGH. What was wrong with movies in the 80s?!

Anyway, that last shot of Mom and Dad sitting by the tree and watching the snow. UGH. It kills me. I feel all choked up and it’s so beautiful and simple and. UGH. It’s just a lovely story about a family and their Christmas and being lucky enough to get that one thing you really want that you never thought you’d actually end up with. SO BEAUTIFUL, SO MAGICAL.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANUKKAH, JOYOUS SOLSTICE, PEACEFUL SATURNALIA, RESPECTFUL KWANZAA, SEASON’S GREETINGS, HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR.

PROJECT OVER. THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME, GUYS.

Day 29 (29!) of the 31 Days of Festive-ass Flicks [CALENDAR] was The Nightmare Before Christmas which I have seen a lot and thought I loved, but kiiiiiiiind of didn’t/don’t?

Basically, the character designs in this are gorgeous. And inventive and lovely and interesting and awesome. And the music is great because, duh, Danny Elfman scores are always great, if not always brand new or exciting. And the animation is really good and fun to watch. I especially love the way that the Christmas town is rendered.

And all the sweet little Christmas details, like the thistle tree that busts into flames in Sally’s hands.

And I love both the Halloweentown and Christmastown kids are done, especially the Christmas GPOY to end all GPOYS of yours truly.

But, like, ugh. Jack is SO WHINY. OH I AM SO SAD I WANT TO HAVE CHRISTMAS FOR MYSELF IN ADDITION TO MY HALLOWEEN LIFE AND EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE WAAAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. And Oogie Boogie is a really weak-ass villain, frankly, and he feels super tacked-on to the story as a whole. And all of the weird ownership/creation of Sally stuff feels weird. And even though she’s a pretty decent character and kind of saves shit and is almost awesome, she’s so soft-spoken and traditionally pretty and boring. She just pines for Jack and poisons her creator/owner over and over again for most of the movie. And that’s a massive bummer.

But I still like to watch it for the great songs and the pretty sights and Santa’s excellent exit from Oogie Boogie’s lair at the end.