Movie number 25 of the 31 Days of Festive-Ass Flicks [CALENDAR] was Nutcracker: The Motion Picture and dear god ballet is so boring this barely kept me conscious. Also, I accidentally watched it out of order, but am posting it in the correct place DEAL WITH IT.
The thing is, I watched this movie because it reminds me of first grade. Because my first grade teacher asked us if anyone had a copy of any version of The Nutcracker and I was like, “I DO” except I was LYING which was a thing I did so people would like me and she was like, “Great! CAN YOU BRING IT IN TOMORROW?!” because it was the last day before Christmas break and she wanted us to have a video day. And I was like, “UH. SURE.” So when I got home, I told my parents and they took went and bought a copy so that I’d have something to show up with. GOOD PARENTS.
THE THING IS THO, this isn’t the right version.
THIS is:
Which I am grateful for not realizing until after the fact because that one seems even more boring than this one was because at least this one had some cool-ass sets and stuff. I only figured out that it wasn’t the right one when I googled the VHS box because I remembered the aqua back of that one so vividly.
ANYWAY, ballet is sooooooooo boring. I thought the Nutcracker was like a cool and interesting thing, but not so much. And I fell asleep at my desk twice while running this.
NOTES:
– INTENSE TOYMAKING
– Dude, don’t ever use a lathe in those sleeves, YOU WILL LOSE AN ARM.
– Contemplating the sleeping self?
– Ballerina skirts are so weird.
– Holy shit this movie is long.
– Ugh weird normal rat guy in suit.
– Wait, she’s a woman now because she killed the rat king with her glowing shoe?
– I AM A BEAUTIFUL ADULT LADY AND MY NUTCRACKER BF PREVIOUSLY STARRED IN PORN (DAT MUSTACHE)
– Oh man the sets in this are so pretty.
– A lot of the ballerina’s job is being held up in the air.
That’s how uninterested I was in this as I was watching it. SORRY NUTCRACKER I AM TOO UNCULTURED FOR YOU.
