totally top five 2k13: movies

It’s time to talk about movies! And, like last year, I’m just going to let my heart do the talking because, I mean, what am I going to do otherwise? Sit here and break down everything I saw using the basics I gleaned from two college film classes? B-O-R-I-N-G. So here’s what I loved at* the movies this year.

5. Iron Man 3

To be frank, I didn’t have high hopes for Iron Man 3. I love-love the first one and The Avengers was glorious, but Iron Man 2 was weak as hell and I couldn’t help but worry a reasonable amount. Iron Man’s not really my dude — I’m an X-Men girl to be quite honest, though I throw down for Black Widow and Hawkeye — but he’s got so much potential and knowing going in that they were pulling Extremis out was both exciting and nerve-wracking. So much potential for failure! Especially with a historically racist caricature of a villain making an appearance. It all turned out great though. I thought The Mandarin was particularly well-handled — especially because I love nothing more than to see fanboys cry about inaccuracy — and the Extremis was, well, it wasn’t great but it was good enough.

None of that really mattered in the end though because this movie had Pepper Potts. Pepper Potts being awesome and strong and vulnerable and human and kicking so much ass. Pepper Potts being a strong female character without being a Strong Female Character. Pepper Potts saving the day and the hero and herself. Pepper Potts being everything. We need more Pepper Potts-es. We need more characters on her level.

4. ParaNorman

ParaNorman is smart, sweet, funny, and gorgeous. It’s got a ton of heart, strong characters, an openly gay character, zombies, super strong dialogue, depth, and an unexpected ending. It has things to say about being who you are even when it’s hard, family, friendship, and the importance of listening to other people and respecting their feelings. The animation is extraordinary and cool and though similar to the stop-motion that’s come before it, unlike anything you’ve really seen before. It’s not afraid to be kind of gross and it deals openly with death in a way that feels really important. It’s got a great setting, unbelievable set pieces, and the cutest little post-credits tag. It’s seriously wonderful.

We didn’t get to watch ParaNorman in theaters and I am still so bummed about it. What a wonderful story and experience. Unforgettable, really.

3.The Heat

Watching The Heat in theaters was one of the best movie experiences we’ve had since we’ve been in North Dakota. Okay, wait, actually it was one of the worst because it was packed and a horrible monster woman sat next to Crystal and did her best to ruin the movie for her, but other than that is was genuinely delightful. There’s something really transcendent about being in a theater full of people watching a comedy and sharing that bright, long-winded communal laughter. It feels magical. And it’s particularly nice when it’s a movie fronted by two women that doesn’t make you feel bad for being a woman or fat or kind of a human disaster. Let me hug you, Paul Feig and Katie Dippold. Repeatedly. Please.

Melissa McCarthy is a gift and I feel like this was such a great showcase for her. Her timing is impeccable and her physicality is BANANAS. Sandra Bullock is great too, so good at being the straight-man and hitting the exact right tone at the exact right moment. And they’re both so good at reserved but tender emoting! Give me 100 more movies with them together.

2. For a Good Time, Call…

The award for most punctuation in a movie title goes to… Just kidding. Well, no, I mean, that’s a lot of punctuation, but that’s not a real award. I guess I could make one, but it’s after midnight and I’m too tired to craft safely. Anyway, what For a Good Time, Call… really wins an award for is friendship. And laughter. And joy. And dogs named Zelda.

I had heard a little about this one on the internet and had mentioned it vaguely to Crystal, but I hadn’t felt any particular urge to run out and watch it, despite my intense and lasting love for Ari Graynor, but Crystal is super good at magically knowing exactly what I need when I need it and brought this home from the Redbox one weekend. What a gift!

It’s just a great, great story with really sweet, human characters who make mistakes and do their best to atone for them and are just generally trying to live their lives in a way that feels right to them. The development of Katie and Lauren’s friendship is so good and true and genuine that by the end you feel sort of agonized and sad that you haven’t lived the movie yourself. It’s hilariously funny and tender and kind and never makes you cringe with secondhand embarrassment, even when you’re sure that’s exactly what’s going to happen. It always knows exactly how long to hold the beat for a laugh and the emotional stuff never feels trite or simple. This one is not to be missed. Seriously.

1. Pacific Rim

I really loved Pacific Rim and I loved it even more than I expected to. I love these characters — all of them — and their flaws and scars and unrelenting drive to fight back against a seemingly insurmountable force. The Earth opens up and births a bunch of enormous — brain-shatteringly huge — Godzilla-ass monsters from space and these people lose the people they love to these monsters, lose their world to them, and instead of curling up in a ball and praying for a quick death, they fight. They fight and they fight and they fight until they no longer have the blood to drive them. It’s seriously glorious. Had we been in California, I think I’d have easily topped my record for in-theater viewings+ effortlessly.

The movie’s funny and fast and tongue-in-cheek without ever falling on the eye-roll-y side of campy. It’s huge, like, way huge on a scale that is hard to really get your head around — though Del Toro does a phenomenal job of creating scale for the universe — and it’s flirtation and sexy without ever being exploitative. It’s romantic without ever being explicitly so! Watching a movie where there is clearly love of all kinds between the male-female leads where it doesn’t end on a kiss? Straight-up revolutionary. No joke. It’s got great secondary and tertiary characters, unbelievable set design, and great pacing. Seriously, there is never a moment where it needs to move faster or slower, never an extraneous second. I could’ve watched 100 more hours of it, to be frank.

Dude, there are 250 foot tall robots punching even bigger lizard monsters in the face. Do you really, honestly need more than that? Of course not, but you get it all anyway.

Honorable Mentions

Previously: 2K12 | JAMZ

*: Because we moved to the middle of nowhere and the only decent — and boy am I using that pretty loosely there — theater is two hours away these aren’t all strictly things we saw at the movies or that even came out this year. They are all, however, things I watched for the first time in 2013. So there’s that.

+: I saw The Avengers eight times. It was a thing.

totally top five 2k12: movies

5. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter [amazon]I already wrote about this one once and though I couldn’t have anticipated that it would end up being one of my favorite movies of the year, here we are. (It’s good and I love it, but let’s be real. I did not see enough movies this year.)

Babe Lincoln: Vampyr Murderer is the kind of movie that you love, not because it’s moving or beautiful or cinematic mastery, but because it has a fight scene where a horse is used as a weapon. It’s the kind of movie you love because it’s ridiculous. It’s the kind of movie you love because it imagines a world where Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter. I don’t know what else you want out of a movie, honestly.

4. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2Okay, so I could’ve written basically the exact same thing for this one that I did for AL:VH. I mean, there’s vampire arm wrestling and an extended scene of a young adult male stripping down in front of the father of the woman he’s been in love with for years and campfire vampire (I wanted to make a vampfire portmanteau there, but that’s a whole other thing in this franchise.) war stories and a CGI baby and it’s all terrible and wonderful and beautiful, but I won’t do that. Instead I’m going to talk about why the entire Twilight franchise is great.

The Twilight movies are made on two layers: the one for the fans of the novels who will watch them in earnest and woo and swoon and then the one for me and my girlfriend and most of the people I know who watch them because they’re hilarious. You watch Breaking Dawn Part 1 and you tell me that Jacob falling on his knees while staring at that baby and imprinting wasn’t done exactly like that so that I would fall over laughing and bruise my head on the armrest of the seat next to me. You try and tell me that was accidental and I will call you dumb or a liar. Maybe the first movie is earnest in complete, maybe, but fuck if the rest aren’t dead up dual-layered. Don’t even pretend that isn’t the savviest filmmaking of all time! It’s a franchise built entirely on simultaneously pandering to the fans and mocking the thing that they love so much. And, most impressively, they do it without mocking the fans themselves. It’s brilliant. It is so brilliant.

3. Goon [amazon]Goon is the best movie that almost no one saw this year. It’s a movie about hockey that’s kind of a lot about hockey, but way more about friendship and living up to your potential and accepting who you are and family and love and loyalty. I’m not going to lie to you, Goon kind of makes me cry. It’s a comedy with a hell of a lot of heart, which is a bullshit saying that gets thrown around a lot, but is actual legitimately applicable here.

Doug Glatt is a kind of dumb guy from a family of smart, ambitious, successful people and, even though movies have trained us to both cheer for and pity that guy, Doug’s not like that. You cheer for Doug because he’s a good person that understands his limitations, but manages to find something he’s both good at and loves. You never feel bad for Doug because of who he is because who he is is great. Doug’s the goon of my heart. Almost everyone in this is likable and people are allowed to change and learn and it just has a lot of heart and energy and joy and feeling. Plus it’s hysterical.

Bonus: it’s available on Netflix Instant, if you use that, and Amazon Instant for free if you have Prime.

2. The Cabin in the Woods [amazon]I already wrote about The Cabin in the Woods before and everything I said there holds true except that I’ve now watched it again and feel all of it even stronger. It was smart and funny and bloody and unique and exciting and great. If you haven’t seen it yet, what are you doing? If you have seen it, but don’t own it? Get with the program. And if you didn’t like it… I can’t.
1. The Avengers [amazon]This is a duh if ever there was one. I already wrote about this one too and all of that also still holds up except I’ve seen it a lot more since then and feel it even more strongly because there is nothing about The Avengers that I don’t love. I saw it eight times in theaters. And I would’ve gone more but we moved 1500 miles and lost control of our lives in general.

What I’m saying is, I love The Avengers so much that I wish I’d seen it 10-15 times in theaters instead of 8. What I’m saying is, The Avengers was so good that eight separate paid viewings in a theater was not enough. Got it?

totally top five: horror movies 2k12

It’s Halloween! Which means it’s time for costumes and trick or treating and bobbing for apples and candy and me having to corral four dogs in order to open the front door and give a bunch of strange children fun size candy bars. More importantly, it’s time for horror movies. Let’s do a top five, shall we? We shall. And we shall shut up and like it. Spoilers! Don’t fight it… Just read…