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31 days of festive-ass flicks, day 28: the polar express

Day 28 of the 31 Days of Festive-Ass Flicks [CALENDAR] was The Polar Express.

I had heard SO MANY terrible things about this movie because I guess the animation is pretty bad? But I was more bugged by how the story was hideous? And how it just went on F – O – R – E – V – E – V – E – V – E – R. I don’t even understand how children have EVER sat through this. And then WHAT A TERRIBLE ENDING.

I was so unhappy watching this and waiting for it to be over that I actually abused twitter about it.

That’s not even, like, HALF of my notes. So… GREATEST HITS:

– Love that Josh Groban song. Love “Believe”. Love some Santa nonsense.
– CG is always best used on things that do not exist in the real world currently. Like, dinosaurs and transformers.
– They should have just called this the Tom Hanks Experience: A One Man Show.
– I ain’t gettin’ on no magic train with shouting-ass Tom Hanks dood.
– SMOOTH MOVE, EX-LAX (I do not even know what this was about.)
– Why is this kid the Santa-christ? How has no one given him the “those are Santa’s helpers” speech? WHY DOES HE EXPECT A SANTA IN A WINDOW DISPLAY TO BE REAL?!
– What is even… What. WUT. (I have no idea.)
– TERRIFYING TOYS FROM HELL
– Sinister as fuck skipping record business.
– This Santa show is TOO MUCH. Santa needs to slow his roll.
– WAIT. SLEIGH BELLS?!
– Santa doesn’t start his trip ’til after midnight? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? That’s some bullshit.
– IF YOU HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY TO THE NORTH POLE AND HAVE SANTA GIVE YOU A GIFT FROM HIS VERY OWN HAND IN ORDER TO BELIEVE IN HIM, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BELIEVE IN SANTA.

So yeah, suffice it to say that I did not enjoy this one. But I still love that Josh Groban song.